this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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