you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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