I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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