just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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