how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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