my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
