pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
