Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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