Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are a genius and a whore.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
