The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
