So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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