please come you make the beer taste better
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
