I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
