Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
