what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
