I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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