Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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