If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
