I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
