I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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