i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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