The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
