the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
