I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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