Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
