Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
