You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
