just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
