I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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