Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
