Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
