i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
