They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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