I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
