just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
