So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
