just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
