'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
