I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
