we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
