now i know why i became what i already was.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
