The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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