i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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