He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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