Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
