he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I supernannyed him into submission
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
