My friends, they love my intelligence
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
