RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
