I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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