I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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