at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
